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ucantfireme

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[16 Mar 2009|12:32am]
Thank you Pandora Radio for letting me have my Nancy Sinatra radio.

the past month has been a giant liquefied wrench in my entire existence. but a vacation nonetheless.

so i would say it started monday, feb 16th. first thing in the morning my boss at this coffee shop i have been working at part time called to tell me i was being laid off. I also work at the ballet which I guess is too much time being spent away from his slaving mentality of the coffee shop and can only use people who have nothing else going on in their lives but to work there all day everyday.
well that freed up my day to go on a lovely hike with some friends of mine and I decided i'm not going to work for someone else again. The ballet of course i'll stay with, but as far as being a wadge slave, i'm cashing out.
i've been wanting to open up a bodega style grocery store in my neighborhood for the year and a half i've lived there. its a walking area with no grocery in 10 miles and most people dont have a car including me and my two roommates. it will make money guaranteed. i'm also going to do things like stock mostly locally made and grown food.
so i was actually pretty excited to get some free time to work on it.
the only problem was I had $7 in my bank account.

enter the next day.
i made a huge batch of muffins and went around downtown and lil five points selling them $2 a pop. this was my big plan. me and some friends were going to make food and sell it outside of bars in town. a modest build up, something.
i picked up my scooter from the shop after a good two months without it working. that night i rode out to Emory to meet up with a boy i had gone on a couple dates with for an organ concert (i bought an organ and have been learning how to play. its very enchanting)
almost there, the road went from being paved, to not paved but gravel instead. no signs, no barricades.
I lost control and crashed. my chin met the ground. there were people walking by on the sidewalk telling me not to move. saying they were calling the cops. I sat up pulling off my helmet and screaming about no signs and looking in the mirror of my just retrieved mangled pile of scooter seeing the bloody mess that was my face. i could feel my teeth were fucked up. just the front ones. otherwise, i was alright.
four days in the hospital with a huge swollen face, I left there that weekend with my jaw wired shut and a metal plate in my chin.
now i'm the white girl kanye west.

the hospital called my poor mother that night and when i talked to her a few hours later she was driving up.

i left atlanta and have been recovering at casa de mom's in jacksonville. i'm on the 4th week and i am getting un-wired on the 30th. sipping my meals through a straw, getting crafty with my lil blender, watching my lifetime fill of television. its not so bad, but goddamn i miss my life in atlanta. i was doing shit. i was fucking busy. and then it stops and spend my days waking up around noon, laying in the sun for a couple hours, taking the bus to riverside to go to the YMCA, then getting picked up by mom and back to the house. I wasn't suppose to speak until this past weekend.

i researched what foods where high in things like magnesium, calcium, zinc. found out my unusual desire to lay out in the sun was actually my body craving vitamin D which is good for bones and teeth and the absorption of calcium.

i lost a top front tooth and broke three other front teeth. once i get my gate off i gotta get my grill adjusted. i'm thinking jade, or maybe ruby tooth. or mabe i can cute-ify the ghetto and stick a styrofoam peanut up there. hotnessssss

the perks of this whole mess??????
the private construction company that worked on the road, the ones who tore it up and didnt put any warnings down, have mad insurance and my lawyer smells the money. he says a lot. i just want enough to open my grocery.
so in fact things do happen the way they are suppose to. theres no way i could have asked my folks for money to live on, however, get fucked up on a scooter and they give you the moon.
theres no way i could have built up enough cash to open my grocery without an investor. well now i got one. me.

i did get out last night to dylan and janie's birthday party and met a boy who lost his top front tooth also from being hit by a car. it was cute, us couple of messed up assholes talking about how we should go in and share a tooth. it was my first time socializing in duval since i've been here and it was awesome to have people hug me and say they are so glad im ok. i dont know why i didnt expect it but, yea, my friends love me.

so if you have read this far, now you know everything.
3 walked out the door|

[18 Dec 2008|11:53pm]
I have been sick like death for days now and it's cutting into my boy time. he's leaving for LA the very first day of January. in honor of my livejournal revival I have just logged into AIM for the first time in a year probably. Also, I took a peek at Perezhilton.com which has also faded from my life.
I am planning a guerrilla advertising event for the ballet where a few of the guys dress up in the rat costumes (which are freaky and triptacular for sure) and do a run through of various public spots around Atlanta. If i can get all the dancers on board (which is where i'm having trouble) its a go. I looked into it today tho and its not any kind of illegal. its basically the equivalent of playing an instrument on the sidewalk for change. and not the Obama kind of change.
Favorite band of '08:......................Little Joy, A Band of Bees
Highlights of '08: *Rhonda and I's trip to Graceland Too (I will post up a full length re-telling of this Evil-themed Rom Zombie-movie like experience.)
*being at Ebenezer Church during the election (and after being in a crowd of hundreds of people on the street singing R. Kelly's "I believe I can fly" in unison.)
*seeing, felling, and running like hell from the Great Atlanta Twister. also, getting amazing drunk and wandering through the wreckage soon after.

to be continued when I think of more.
Catch phrase of '08: Shol Iz
Best Stoned Comment of '08: from me when discussing nicknames given to us with Rhonda and Gary. "Sometimes people call me Rachel but thats by mistake."
Best Youtubes of '08:
"Jesus is a Friend"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-NOZU2iPA8
"Crazy MARTA girl"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byOtxwl8iEI
and subsequently the "Crazy MARTA Girl Remix"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oVNPh3TX0Y
"Robber Fail"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clWjfQ_xeAQ
"Goat Yelling like a Man"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06CvUjLgK5g

[14 Dec 2008|11:38pm]
I bet you thought I was never coming back.
I probably wouldn't have if I had not suddenly remembered this glory that is livejournal.
o how I have miss you.
it's good to see that everyone on my friends list is well. I didn't even know about my Kat lady having a baby. Hooray hooray! I hope to venture to Cali in the future.
I am 24 nowadays dating an 18 year old who composes scores and is quite a find.
I am moving into a house around the corner from my current apartment and for someone with no car its hot shit.
The month of this month has been busting my balls in the form of the Atlanta Ballet's Nutcracker for which I am assistant to the head of wardrobe. Working at the ballet has been an interesting lesson in culture, poise, discipline, and boys on their toes.
to make extra cash i have been baking and selling space brownies for $5each. they are big sellers. i whip up a new batch every week.
i'm staying in to watch crimes and misdemeanors.
maybe some tv online even.

[13 Aug 2008|11:30am]
I've said it so many times, but hell I'll say it again.
Damn, it's been awhile.
The little changes here and there that I've lived through since living through the twister are not worth my time in listing.
Right now I'm sitting in a coffee shop by my house that use to be a coffee shop that was horrible looking at photos I have taken which are hanging on the wall for sale for $10 each.
I've done a lot of walking, and running, and riding a new bike. I have kissed a few boys and tried to kiss another few. I have danced a bit, but mostly wished there were places to go dancing.
I have made plans for my community and plans for myself. I got rich, went broke, got paid, got smoke.
and all throughout the days after days into days I have made sure it was exactly what I wanted to do. That I could still smile and laugh before during and afterwards. Cuz this is life, baby, yours, no one else's. and if your not going to make it worth your time, nobody will.
I have some big talk of working on a Mississippi river boat and i hope i hope my dreams come true.

run for you life if you can, little girl [16 Mar 2008|10:04pm]
James and I were walking to the MARTA station when a wall of wind hit us and a sheet of rain fell on top of us. We tried running back to the house but we couldn't move. Saw a bright flash of green lightning. Started to panic. Turned around and saw MARTA blow up. Still tried to run. Looked to my left and saw a giant black tornado spinning big pieces of shit and coming in our direction 30 ft. away across the street. Really tried to run. Getting hit with debris and looking at the twister coming towards us we jumped in the bushes and tried to take cover. The wind was pinning us down and it sounded like a giant train over our heads. We got up and ran in between houses and up to our apartment just as is broke up and headed towards Cabbagetown.
10 mins later the sky was clear and there was only destruction for me to photo.
my neighborhood in a 1/2 mile radius can be seen here.
http://www. flickr. com/photos/13455110@N02/sets/72157604132875916/
if only near death encounters with twisters really did come with ruby red slippers.
4 walked out the door|

skyhigh, romanticaly [11 Mar 2008|12:56pm]
its all about you, eyelashes, that i've been thinking of. those long pretty eyelashes and i think of you some more. the dark curtains above your eyes makes you more then a cute face. how soft you are, eyelashes, makes me remember being mean to you before. you should know, baby, i've changed and i wish you would come bring me your face and your hair and your medal. i'll wear it again i swear.
thinking of you, eyelashes. i'm hearing horns play. i'm seeing watercolors. i taste champagne and smell cigarettes. i feel the soul of a blues man because your so far a way an airplane couldn't reach you.
i've counted my memories of you. and stacked them like bricks. put them together like four walls with the hopes to get you inside it. i'll put up some nice pictures and cushy chairs. i'll paint guitars and sunglasses for you. i'll dance in circles and cook you sweet potato pies. i'll put you in gold frames and curl my lips. all for you, eyelashes, you should know.
i'll tell them to tell them that its just me and you. i'll steal the world and whip it into shape and show you what i see.
i still have it, eyelashes, the monsters and screaming girls telling me about greek god and young animals.
i wish i could kiss your forehead and you could love my feathers.
just know, eyelashes, its all about you i've been thinking of.

[08 Mar 2008|02:32pm]
goddamn its been a while.
after living here in the 4th ward we finally found some quality internet to steal. i use to walk up the street to the coffee shop that overcharged for burnt coffee but thats no more.
i have applied to Parson New School of Design in NYC for photography and feel that i have a pretty good chance of getting in. im loving atlanta, but cant do hair in GA. also, an obsessive trail of jacksonville has followed me and is suffocating my life here, so i must move on.
i've been seeing colors lately. my whiskey is a golden brown. my bike is a deep blue. my street is a hazy gray. even people are colored. not so much their skin, but their presence. my roommate is a cool green. he is soft spoken and gentle but highly exciting in his own way. my neighbor the drug dealer is bright pink. somewhat bitting in his existence, is noticed by everyone (for good or bad) socially out of place, but intriguing nonetheless.
i'm ready to get married in a fever in Jackson, Mississippi as I've always planned.
also, i've become head over toes crazy about this guy and the fun stuff he does.
3 walked out the door|

white christmas [03 Dec 2007|12:50pm]
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
You take Sally and I'll take Sue,
there ain't no difference between the two.
Cocaine. Runnin all 'round my brain.
Headin down Scott, turn up Main.
Lookin for that girl who sells cocaine.
Cocaine. Runnin all 'round my brain.
Momma, come here quick.
that ol' cocaine 'bout to make me sick.
Cocaine. Runnin all 'round my brain.
Here I start about a quarter past four.
Donnie come knockin 'round my hotel room door.
"Where's the cocaine?"
Said "It's runnin all 'round my brain."
I was talkin' to my doctor at the hospital.
He said "Son it says here your 27, but thats impossible."
Cocaine.
"You look like you could be 45."
Now I'm losing touch with reality and I'm almost out of blow.
Such a fine line, I hate to see it go.
Cocaine. Runnin all 'round my brain.
1 walked out the door|

[28 Nov 2007|05:37pm]
like bandits sujin and i escaped atlanta in the late night/ early morning. rolling into jacksonville, still smoking at 9am, adding to the non stop rambling-bambling that was thanksgiving holiday.
in one day i feel that i saw most everyone it took me 8 years to meet.
for hours after returning from my day trip in duval i played on my guitar.
i wrote a song about being sexual with jesus.
i also wrote one about a boy with the prettiest eyelashes I have ever kissed.
if my oven was in working order i would make cookies.
being cold is my favorite thing next to eating ice. thank god one causes the other.
quotable, potable, and completely strokable
offer expires every thirty minutes.

[08 Nov 2007|01:34pm]
the leaves are changing colors and they are indescribable. a wide spectrum of reds, oranges, and yellows. i can't explain how happy i get just going outside everyday. in other news, i've got my game face on and boys are in season. i still havent been taken to a drive in but i feel its close.
yesterday i rode my bike up the most steep hill ever and passed out for a while in the park.
what could be better on a wensday afternoon?
1 walked out the door|

[08 Oct 2007|03:03pm]
life at 1020 feet above sea level.
*the symphony of crickets has gone away after a weeks worth of performances.
*getting into the zone with a box of sharpies and my favorite pencil.
*far too much time doping up on caffeine and connecting to the world.
*living nights as days and days as space in between.
*spending quality working hours with my new favorite person in the world.
*coming to terms with the fact that I do in fact have money to buy things I want/need/deserve.
*preparing to see Mexico before the year is over.
*moving past the destruction of my two favorite sunglasses.

[14 Sep 2007|03:26pm]
Wouldn't you know I'd end up back in the ghetto?
of course i'm loving everything about it. My first night I got to see a full on dice game. Ive chatted with the drug dealers on my block. Everyone is nice. Just doing what they know, I guess.
now, things for your eyes...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/13455110@N02/

go into the folder 'pretty things for pretty eyes' and you can see wat i see in my front yard.

[27 Aug 2007|02:00pm]
Jane of the night, Jane who thinks the world belongs to her, Jane the dancer, Jane the faker, Jane of a competitive nature, Jane who wraps the unsuspecting around her finger, Jane the doll, Jane who loves, Jane of the shitty jobs, Jane the whore, Jane with junk at her feet, Jane the cool kid, Jane of the puppets, Jane in the distance, Jane the succubus of good, Jane with the tea kettle, Jane of the sloppy drunks, Jane of all talk, Jane of bad intentions, Jane one at a time, Jane the know nothing, Jane with the jealous eyes, Jane with the silk, Jane with the hair and teeth, Jane at the expense of others, Jane of the unsatisfactory, Jane with dark clouds in her eyes, Jane with the plaster scene smile, Jane the jumper, Jane who plays to win, Jane the forgiven, Jane the repeat offender, Jane of the used and abused, Jane of seasonal tidings, Jane of fingers and toes, Jane of big laughs, Jane the never was.
2 walked out the door|

[24 Aug 2007|05:59pm]
tonight I'm going to get drunk. a friend of mine has decided to stop drinking for a bit and in turn gifted me with a full case of newcastle. im thinking the only justifiable drunk to get is getting it for free. however, i'm not sure if i am for or against spending money on a feeling and experience over material things. I can either buy weed or booze or cigs that dont last but give me fleeting satisfactory feeling. or i can buy i dont know, a book or socks or something. and as useful and permanent as the book and socks will be, the good time had by the first group of options always wins out.
even though i know its stuff that wont be there once i use it, it's still an attractive buy. and its half the product itself and half the experience that comes along with it. drinking with friends, getting stoned an hanging out talking bullshit. thats what people remember the most. the experience that went along with everything. depending on your drug of choice, of course, will mean a different affair. i think my life has been shaped more by those activities then by the possession of any one item. as well as most of the greatest ideas in history, im sure. the consuming and conversing sparks something, which begets something, which in turn begets something else, which leads to, well history.
and entire life, it seems, is better filled when it's made up of happenings and good times, then full of books and socks.
but as much as i always encourage taking part in mind altering substances and tantalizing hobbies, i can't help but feel like a sucker every time i pay for them.
2 walked out the door|

[20 Aug 2007|09:44pm]
I turn 23 tomorrow and so far, the movie that is my life has been going pretty well. Atlanta couldn't have surprised me more. The best news as of recently is my new job as an assistant to one of the few fashion photographers in Atlanta. hes actually an amazing photographer. he tells me hes going to teach me everything and when he travels on shoots i can come with him. I really can't believe I lucked out with this gig. www.amphotosite.com
My roommate moved out last week so until the end of the month, I have my whole apartment to myself. anyone who wants to come to town and hang out for a couple weeks is greatly encouraged. Randy is on his way here hopefully with drugs in hand for me.
my mom came for a visit this past weekend and we went to see a band who dressed up and played the st. pepper album (including playing a sitar) to celebrate to 40th anniversary. it made me miss sujin.
i made friends with a guy who says he can make lsd and i got so excited i accidentally burned him with my cigarette.
songs i've learned on gutiar:
lucy in the sky
yellow submarine
here comes my baby
in an aeroplane over the sea
i love how you love me

[01 Aug 2007|01:15pm]
how is it even possible that clark and michael are as funny and amazing as they are?
i'm almost out of my car money. and i still dont have a solid job. i've worked random jobs. one was a goblin photo shoot and one was helping out a photographer at a fashion show where i got to meet michael knight from project runway 3. i'm also interviewing on saturday to work on a low budget movie.
heres some pics from the goblin thing. it was long and grueling but they look awsome.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

i've started corresponding with my friend who got put in jail for selling weed. i'm hoping his letters will provide some insight into the prison system and ways to try to diminish the strong hold our government has over the pot laws. cuz honestly, its just not right. sanctity of saliva means if one pot smoker is in jail, we're all in jail.

honkey tonk blues [20 Jul 2007|04:04pm]
I spent fourth of july in Asheville, NC with a girl named Kate I met through my roommate. We stayed with her lesbian friend from high school and her girlfriend in their new house. We went to an amazing lake in the Smokey Mountains to cook out and do the 'American thing'. driving back to town that night all along the mountain roads the tall trees were covered with lightning bugs and it looked as if they were all lit up like christmas trees. the clean mountain air circled me like a crisp sheet and I would have lived in a log cabin from that night on had it been available to me. it was probably the most beautiful thing I've seen this summer.
i have decided that when I'm done with atlanta, I'm going to ride my scooter out to california and live for a bit. if america is going to change in any way, its going to start in cali and i want to be apart of it.
1 walked out the door|

[22 Jun 2007|08:08pm]
Nashville rocks myy brain. i can feel i'm going to fall inlove here. i'm already inlove with the city.

cooler then everyone else, or not that cool at all [18 Jun 2007|12:18am]
so here I am in atlanta. stealing internet from the neighbors once again. luckily, my roommate is cool and ally and mike have been showing me around. although the original summer plans has changed, i'm glad i came here. and although they have changed, i'm glad also to see my friends activily doing shit with their days. moving, traveling, not just waiting for something to happen. we're living the dream, suckers.
my roommate is vegan and in me not wanting to offend her, i am now vegan. but its so easy to do since every place i go is adaptable. i'm also selling my car on tuesday which is going to give me lots of money to live off. sujin and i are going to a little town north of here called helen which is suppose to look like old time germany. then on to nashville where i'm hoping jack white will spot me and fall inlove instantly.
soon i will have mastered the guitar and move on to playing violin. which i will use to become a street performer and travel around europe.
you laugh now...
5 walked out the door|

[16 Jun 2007|04:58pm]
every now and then, i get blind-sided by people who are completely full of shit

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